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Free-spirited blog

Be yourself. Stand for the YOU in you and be open to new adventures.

Heart to Heartbreak?

We may seem very confident, wordy, intelligent and with solutions to every problem but when it comes to matters of the heart, we are vulnerable, weak and needy.

During the summer break, I bumped into an amazing person who spoke my heart out. The most random conversation we had was on Health Economics, little did he know that it was my area of specialization and him a medic in the making. A very witty dialogue ensued on the probability of the government achieving universal health coverage. I was smitten. I knew I was ready to talk to him again and again. Whether on weather, nuclear effects in Chernobyl or matters Christianity. Especially the latter.

We met on a daily with Larry (not his real name) and nature was kinda on the wheel. He oozed so much care tenderly and I was swept off. In a fortnight, we were at a place of major decisions. Too soon, too unbelievable, too inexplicable.

I wasn’t ready to be a girlfriend yet, and I was afraid to hurt his feelings. I liked him, I strung him along, I enjoyed his company and enjoyed talking to him but I knew that I was not ready. Wasn’t ready to commit. I kinda still needed space to grow and discover myself and I wouldn’t do in such a scenario.

I needed to meet new people, interact with different circles, discover different ways of life and find a serene place for prayer. I was raised by a mother whose prayers were answered and I must have taken after her. I knew that if I was to eventually marry someone, it would be someone whose prayers worked magic. Someone I could confidently put at task to pray when my mind was clouded and crowded.

How could I tell Larry all these yet he was happy?

‘What is meant to be, will be’. I walked away. Uncertain to ever come across such honesty, but well aware that what was meant to be, would be.

I am sorry Larry.

 

 

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Art of the Heart

IMG_2519.JPGThe heart is the most beautiful thing that has ever existed. It works in magical ways from moving crowds to beating rhythmically just beneath the left chest.

It harbors so much yet offers so much. It is the medium to kindness, to peace and above all to love. It is so big that it can handle the world yet so small to fit in a new born babe.

It can bleed so badly not because it pumps blood (lol)but because it senses all the attitudes  and emotions it experiences. It can lead one to take away their lives at the same time build one to greater and new life adventures.

It is in these that everyone should guard their heart jealously. Protect it from any external harm that can bring about hatred, jealousy or bad intentions to others or to self.It needs support and assurance. It needs maintenance and courage. It needs the mind to be positive towards it and allow it to bloom.

Let it radiate its light to love and to show concern to those deserving of it. Let it reach out to the dull and give some glow to their lives. Let it be remembered in later generations of the power it oozed to one or many. Let it take you beyond the limits of the mind. Let it take you far and wide and help you to accommodate the diversity of the world.

So, leave it as beautiful as you found it. It is the one thing that will make or break you. Once mastered, bliss is yours forever and ever.

#FreeSpirited All The Way✌️

BRAINWASHED

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The saddest moment is when you come to realize that it was all but a myth. Having lived believing in facts that never were or someone used them on you for their own selfish ambitions.

Religion is one field that has left many confused and submissive to the core. I am always impressed by such persons and is motivational enough to hold onto what you know. The world comprises of dozens of beliefs especially in the form of religion. Interesting enough, every system believes that things should be done their way and the rest are just but misled and living in denial. They get so defensive to the extent of creating enmity and war among people.

There are those who believe that the only way to be rich is through politics. There are those in terror groups who believe that human life is not any different from that of cows and chicken. There are those who strongly believe that you can only make it by means of “papers”, academic achievement.

The most interesting bit is that all these beliefs culminate the diversity that keeps the world dynamic and relationships valuable. Although I must say, some beliefs cause more harm than gain. Some beliefs disorient the personalities of the participants by tying them up to some rules that are mandatory for the course.

Cults are not necessarily by abiding by evil and queer means hidden from the public. Cults include those who operate by playing about some rules, written or pronounced and failure to which, one can easily miss a stand in the partnership. Living in fear of being kicked out is a great sign to show how lost the participants could be.

Every individual has their own beliefs and true to nature’s diversity. Let no system either in the name of religion, lifestyle, employment or family hinder you from being you. If they ask you to keep your head clean shaven and it makes you feel humiliated, break the bonds and grow your hair girl. Don’t be so sure that that’s the means to heaven. God would be so evil to give millions of rules that Himself would know that no one would keep them by heart, soul, and mind. If they want you to break up with her on the basis of tribe or religion, that’s a cult brother!

That belief that you hold onto so firmly could be a mission accomplished by someone for their gain but not you. Take time and review all the rules that you abide by and critically analyses how beneficial they are. Most importantly, to take time and imagine how it would feel if that system never was applicable.

Why be so loyal to something you were inducted to in your premature stages? Something you never took time to consider what it all entailed? Say no to being brainwashed. Be open-minded and choose your path. Let no person chain you to something you were not created to be. Finally, remember to follow your heart and your sober mind. They both perceive so much that can answer all the woes we come by. Be sure, that you can defend what you stand for in your own words and not what you were taught to say or quote.

 

 

Free Spirited☺✌

 

SCARRED

As kids, we loved playtime. From the simple singing games to the thrilling bicycle races and even somewhat dangerous boxing games, we had no fear of getting hurt. If we did get any cuts and scratches, it meant nothing to us because we got them in the name of fun. We went to bed exhausted, ready to do it all over again the next day.

As we grew up, those scars were pleasant reminders of the fun times we had. Some of us would even brag about how we got this or that scar with this or that activity.

But, what about the scars we don’t want to talk about?

Scars from wounds inflicted during an assault, maybe? When your partner beat you up in a drunken stupor? When a bully punched you because you refused to share your lunch? When thieves raided your home and subjected you to all forms of torture? And the invisible scars… When your heart was broken by the one person you loved and trusted most in the world, or when you lost a loved one to disease, an accident or murder?

Scars are a constant reminder of a dark period we went through. The pain of betrayal, the torment of physical abuse, the horror of loss. Sometimes that pain is so deep that we just cut it off, refusing to think about it. But it’s there. No longer bleeding, perhaps. But still a scar.

Luckily, wounds do heal over time. How much time depends on how deep those wounds cut into us, how strong we’re willing to be, the support we get from our loved ones.

But the scars? They never go away. When you’re having your alone time, taking a long hot bath or meditating, and your memory suddenly probes that scar, lights it up for you to have another look, the first thing that comes to mind is not the strength and support you got afterwards to help you heal.

No it’s the pain. You go right back to that point of pain and shock and trauma and you think no and why and what did I do to deserve that and I did not deserve that Oh no… But who does anyway? Who deserves pain and suffering and lifelong scars?

So let’s stop for a minute and think about all the scars we’re inflicting on others. We may not go around hurting people physically, but what about the words we hurl about so carelessly? Words have the power to cut deeply, and can never be unsaid. The memories of those words become scars. Lifelong scars.
So let’s strive to be the reason behind each other’s pleasant memories, because then, their scars will not be tears of pain, but smiles of happiness.

I write this because I don’t want someone to have the scars I harbour. They deny me the charm that comes with real joy. So let’s do our bit to make the world a less painful place. As we yearn for a free spirited lifestyle, so do others.

Warm regards
Sophie Mbogo

OWN THE PROCESS

We’ve all got to own our growth process. There will be no two people who have the same story to tell because we have different thumbprints. You were meant to be consistently different. You have got to be willing to come out of your comfort zone and engage in your journey.

There’s an enemy to growth called ‘the same’. This revolves around the same thinking, same friends, same ideas, same habit, the same lifestyle, same blame game, same income, same way of resolving problems, same excuses and so forth. Staying the same, whether we like it or not, will only get you more of the same and less of what you want to grow into. You will end up with more of the same kind of debt, more conversations that have no impact, more buying of things to please people and win their attention, more looming dread of retirement because you’re just not ready to live without a full-time job, more of the same income derived from your habits, ideas and thinking, more lazy investments (i.e. investments done without an identifiable impact or result for your life), more time wasting, more avoiding looking at your finances, more children and generations that have inherited ‘the same habits, behaviors and thought patterns’, more reasons to procrastinate and do it tomorrow. The list can go on and on.

We do not want to see the process of wealth; we want instant money right now. We assume that people create wealth through one-time deals and figure that an unspecified point in time, with no action on our part, a deal will come and sort us out.

We get comfortable in what is commonly referred to as ‘the rat race’. This is a never-ending cycle where you keep working to buy more things, maintain a lifestyle, pay bills and so on. Because of inflation and other factors, you work harder and/or take on debt in order to afford more. Then things get even more expensive so you work harder. It’s a never-ending cycle of hand to mouth. Because of that cycle, you’re getting less of what you truly want–money, wealth, freedom, travel, experiences, time with family, knowledge, self-confidence. You are getting more dependent on physical work to sustain you, pay bills, pay loans, etc.

We have to shake ourselves up. Don’t be deluded by the voice saying wait, let’s see, next time, when I have more money or time, when I get a better job, when I finish campus, when I finally buy that phone’.

Let’s accept that we have to go through a process, and the earlier we do it, the better. Don’t judge yourself and others because everyone’s process is different. Don’t try to be a square peg in a round hole, it only leads to frustration, stress, resentment, unfulfillment and very often, comparison with others. Get your hands dirty and discover what works for you.

Face your fear of starting. We’re in different situations but we all have a starting point. The starting point of some may be saving, getting out of debt, investing or improving on investments, starting a business, earning an income, managing household finances, a retirement plan, an education plan or buying a house. The only way to conquer the fear of starting is to start.

Remember the biggest thing you are conquering is not the circumstance, but your mind. Starting is difficult and uncomfortable at first but with practice, gets easier and it starts being part of your life. At some point, you’ll no longer see the discomfort as a sacrifice or hard work. You’ll get through ad long as you invest in the process by doing something differently. You will grow and you will conquer, and yours will be a free-spirited lifestyle.

Special regards,
Sophie Mbogo

CONFESSION

“WOMEN, stop stringing men along if you don’t like them and just set them loose,”said my interviewee.

” So let’s say you keep seeing this girl in this building you work in. You run into her in the lifts and in the restaurant on the ground floor, and in the parking lot, and you always say hello and she smiles demurely and says hello back. Sometimes, if you find yourselves riding alone in the lift, you offer, “You have a terrific sense of style,” and she blushes and mumbles “thank you ” and proceeds to stare hard at the green illuminating numbers above the door until it opens and she literally runs out of the lift. You take that as a sign that she gets weak in your presence, so the next time you bump into her you ask her out for tea or coffee. She says “sure!” and you take her for tea where you learn that she’s single and is reading The Painted Veil by someone with a name that starts with an “S”–you can’t remember.

She laughs at your lame jokes and can’t hold eye contact with you, and when you walk her to her car, she squeezes the back of your neck in this hug and says she had a “terrific time”. Then off she goes until date two and three, at which you keep outdoing yourself with your racy wit and humour and presence.

Then one day she just grows cold, and you know she couldn’t possibly have found out about your small stint in jail(it was a case of mistaken identity) and so you ask her what’s up, you thought you guys had “something going”. She says, “Oh, whatever made you think that? We’re just friends!” and you’re astonished. You really thought she knew what was going on here.

LADIES, what’s with the mixed signals? Stop confusing us!! ”

✳SPENDING THE NIGHT
Fine. Nothing has happened both times you came over to house and spent the night. We respected the fact that you were raised in a strict Catholic home. We understood that you take the sacrament and so we acted like gentlemen. But you can’t stay over at a man’s house and not blame him for thinking that he’s 70 per cent in(no pun).

✳SWEET NAMES
There are women who will call anything “Baby” or “Darling” or “Sweetheart”. Just about anything and anyone. They will call a City Council parking attendant “Sweetheart”. And that’s all right. But then there are some who don’t, and when you find this one who doesn’t and keeps calling you “Baby”, then surely, doesn’t that mean you have one foot in? At least? Unless we’re really being a baby.

✳FLIRTING
This is something women need to stop if they aren’t interested. This whole idea of touching your well-toned biceps, or commenting on your pecs, or sending you suggestive pictures(of her of course) in her new lingerie and bashfully asking if the colour is right(for Chrissake!) because she’s what, colorblind? And when you take that to mean that she’s interested she looks shocked and says you have “misread the her energy,”?! It takes you all the energy you’ve not to call her a manipulative cow.

✳SAYING ‘YES’ TO MULTIPLE DATES
Now, why would you do that? Is it that you like free food? Or free drinks? Why would you accept, again and again to have dinners and drinks with a guy you know is interested in you when you aren’t interested in them? Why? It can only mean you’re a mean glutton. Or a mean drunk. I don’t know which is worse.

Anyone spoken to? Haha. I saw that nod. This is what it takes to have free spirited lifestyle, standing firmly on your ground, sincere to yourself and not confusing men, women too.

BOUNCING BACK SERIES

2. A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP ENDS

THE POSITIVE.
It’s okay to have a period of grieving, remembering the good times you have had and the lessons you learnt from the relationship. But while you grieve, remember that there’s always another person out there needing your love.
If you look hard at the relationship that has just ended, you may see why it was doomed to fail and why you will be happier out of it. Until you find a new person to love, give your energy and love to those in need, for example family members or the sick.
Even if you are the person who instigated the break up, splitting up with your partner is usually painful. A certain sense of sadness, regret and a feeling of loss are natural. But always remember that relationships are learning processes and you should be willing to learn the lessons.
The emotional impact when a relationship ends makes it hard, sometimes impossible to work things out on your own. But while others may try to help and may in the short term, it is something you inevitably must deal with yourself.

STEPS TO TAKE
✳You must come to terms with the end of the relationship. Letting go plays a part in healing. It’s no good pretending that you’re moving on yet you secretly wish you would get back together. Walk away from the relationship, embrace your new freedom and don’t look back.

✳when you’re going through the emotional stress of a break up, it can be hard to cope with all your commitments, for example, work and social life. Start to handle responsibilities positively and make goals for a new life. It will help you move forward and make a sense of your emotions. You will also feel better about your future.

✳Start to recognize the attitudes you hold to life. Are they generally positive or negative? Positive attitudes with positive affirmations will help you move on. You need to work on yourself and your negative attitudes before you can attract other people.

✳Take responsibility for the end of the relationship even if your partner was cheating on you, as this will help you reclaim your power to make sure the situation never arises again. If you don’t take responsibility and move on to another relationship feeling like a victim, chances are there’s going to be a repeat.

✳The prospect of being single again can be scary and this can make your self-esteem plummet. But you should not rush into a new relationship. You will need to give yourself time to recover and readjust. You must first learn that you can survive alone otherwise you will feel your life is not complete if there’s no partner or the ‘other half’. Try also to enjoy your own company as this strengthens your confidence and resilience.

At all circumstances, live a free spirited lifestyle. It’s the only promising investment. Haha!

Special regards,
Sophie Mbogo

BOUNCING BACK SERIES

Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes when everything seems to be going so well for you, things just suddenly fall apart. You discover your spouse is having an affair;you find drugs hidden in your sibling’s drawers;you lose your job;you fall sick;or a loved one dies. At some point in your life you’ll encounter a challenging situation that will leave you completely devastated. There are a few things you can do when you find yourself in such a situation – you could blame yourself, blame others, blame God, or you could pick yourself up, learn from the lessons presented and embrace the new life that has been forced upon you. What determines how well you bounce back from adversity, or hold up under pressure and turn misfortune into good is your inner resilience. A resilient person will take the knock on the chin, dust herself down and get back on with life.

Life’s greatest challenges are either tragedies or learning experiences. Many people find it very hard to pick themselves up when bad things happen and for most, their dreams die with that particular situation. As we walk through life, we learn from our particular experiences to choose between two of life’s most motivating emotions – fear or love of life.

1.
YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT OR FALL ILL.

POSITIVE
The most important thing is to make an effort to understand your condition and then choose the best treatment available to you. You must also learn to be honest with yourself about how you feel. Some people want to put a front that they are coping yet deep inside are overwhelmed with sadness, a sense of loss, and self-pity. It’s important to first accept your inner emotions so you can start to deal with them. Once you accept you feel sad because of your condition, then you can start to work on this by switching to positive affirmations.
This will help you get the determination to start the recovery process and adjust to your new circumstances.

NEGATIVE.
Avoid relentless self-pity, refusal to accept your condition or blaming others for what has happened to you.
While it’s natural to feel “Why me?” and “it’s not fair” it’s not healthy to dwell on these forever as the healing process will not start. Negative thoughts bleed negative thoughts, and as difficult as it may be given your situation, a positive attitude is your most important weapon in getting well.

Check out for the upcoming bits of this series. How to bounce back when a romantic relationship ends….. Losing a job…
Keeping the free spirited lifestyle rocking.

Special regards,
Sophie Mbogo.

BREAKTIME

So I decide to share one of my childhood experiences on my search for love. Haha.

UNFORGETTABLE.

As a young teenager, I remember often wondering when I would get to fall in love. I often read Sweet Dreams and Sweet Valley High novels about the ‘butterflies in the stomach’, the heart ‘skipping a bit’, and being left speechless, love at first sight… the list is endless. But before I got to know all these, it seemed what I needed to find out first, and discover, was that I was a girl. Raised in a family of five, one boy and three other girls. I found the boy’s world so exciting and full of adventure since the girls had had to always be clean, wear dresses, and help mummy as she trained us to be future ladies. I could accompany my bro to wherever he went to, doing the boy stuff, since I was the last girl as well as my brother. My entire family agreed that they weren’t sure whether I would ever behave like a lady in future.

I followed my brother everywhere, I enjoyed wrestling, climbing trees and even football. I was a perfect tomboy until the day ‘I fell in love’.
My parents were very hospitable and often held birthday parties, dinners, and would invite many of their friends over. However their friends’ children didn’t think I was hospitable as my parents. To them I was a nightmare because I would beat up the boys, so whenever there was an invitation, the boys wouldn’t come.

One particular family was quite close to my family and they were called the Mwirabua’s. They had a son called Innocent and the first time I saw him, instead of tripping him and trying out my muscles on him, my heart skipped a beat. I also felt butterflies in my stomach and found myself cordial to him, which I had never done before. As Inno’s family kept visiting, my liking for him increased. My ever observant parents soon noticed that my usually unkempt hair was now in ribbons and I agreed to wear my staircase dresses(remember those?) whenever Mwirabua’s were coming over or when visiting them.

They soon asked and I told them that I had found a boy I liked and that we would get married when we grew up. But at that age, the best advice they could offer was that it wasn’t good to think of marriage at that time. I still had to complete school, get a job, look for a trust fund for a future family by making investments but I didn’t understanding them then. Inno’s parents found it hilarious and they soon began calling me their daughter-in-law.

One afternoon during their usual visits, I asked Innocent to accompany me to the kitchen to get some sweets. On entering, I locked the door and put the key in my dress pocket without him seeing and asked him if he would marry me as soon as possible. Poor Innocent, caught unawares, and without a mind to even understand what I was asking, all he could say was ‘no’. But I couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and so I looked around, climbed on a stool nearby and got hold of butcher’s knife! The next thing I knew I was running after him with some wail. “Say you’ll marry me today or else you are history”, I yelled as I pursued him like an enemy.

In the meantime, our parents heard the commotion and ran down but found the door locked. My dad went through the garden and opened the back door. ‘Put that knife down young girl’, he said. He was just in the nick of time as at the very moment,I had nailed Innocent to the floor and he was screaming and I was about to chop his fingers!
What happened after that is hard to recall but the pain I felt on my ears after they were pulled on my way to my room and the heat on my bottom after a thorough spanking is still fresh in my mind.

That day I learnt violence would never be the way to get what I wanted, let alone making someone love me. We make jokes and laugh about it now, but deep inside, I know that unforgettable experience made me shy towards love or any affection shown by the opposite sex.

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